Gray hair is God’s graffiti. It’s all we’ve got. The serious moments of life come every day, so make sure you find amusing and even silly things to laugh at each day! Steve Martin, First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. Stephen Colbert, The summer movies are coming out! Jim Carrey, You know the trouble with real life? Ryan Reynolds, If you find me, please let me know where the hell I’ve been. 3K Shares. I just want my stomach to be as flat as my ass. It’s kind of a shock to wake up every morning and be bathed in this purple light. The audience was a failure. Let these funny Wise Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day. it's funny how when you need someone they never are around, So basically, it’s just like the iPhone. Funniest People Ever “The biggest lie I tell myself is ‘I don’t need to write that down, I’ll remember it!’” short fun quotes and cool sayings #34. Now it’s just like the iPhone except it can’t make calls. I’m at the age where everyone has kids, and I ask them, ‘Is it like a puppy?’ And they go, ‘It’s 10 times a puppy.’ Jimmy Fallon, I’m going to North Pole to help out Santa this year. Danny Zuker. Ms. Pacman, for 25 cents that b*tch swallowed balls till she died. Stephen Colbert, In order to maintain an untenable position, you have to be actively ignorant. Ricky Gervais, You won’t burn in hell. Exercise Quotes Short Quotes I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. Nothing prepared me for being this awesome. My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do. Black people have big lips, white people can’t dance. You can’t do nothing by yourself when you get married. Groucho Marx, Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. I am on energy saving mode. Below you will find our collection of inspirational, wise, and humorous old funny tennis quotes, funny tennis sayings, and funny tennis proverbs, collected over the years from a variety of sources. Boys fuck things up. Church Humor. Not everyone has good taste. You found it offensive? 9165 matching entries found. / Funny Quotes / Funny and Wise Chinese Proverbs and Sayings That are Pure Genius. ** Some parts are missing!! Topics. Billy Sunday, Never trust people who smile constantly. Will Ferrell, Sleep is so cute when it tries to compete with the internet. #FitnessGoals https://twitter.com/billburr. Funny Quotes about Wise Let these funny Wise Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day. 344K likes. What a man. Be kind. Golda Meir, This suspense is terrible. Steve Martin, Before you criticize a man, walk a mile in his shoes. “Follow your heart, listen to your inner voice, stop caring about what others think.” ― Roy T. Bennett, … Chris Rock, Wealth is not about having a lot of money; it’s about having a lot of options. Then, I started meeting girls and I’m like ‘You know, maybe I shouldn’t be a Priest.’ Jimmy Fallon, Honestly, I just want to keep people awake. “I tried to think of a way to always have clean bedsheets, so I bought bed sheets that are the same … Unknown, I’m actually not funny. A word to the wise ain't Simply I love it much!!! See more ideas about Quotes, Me quotes, Inspirational quotes. Funny Words Of Wisdom. Chris Rock, They say love is more important than money…Have you tried paying your bills with a hug? Funny Sayings with pictures “Never stop learning, because life never stops teaching.” #2. Humor is to get us over terrible things. … You have to go out there and figure out what you can do and can’t do. Said, ‘What do we do with the useless boob?’ And God created man. You hit like a bitch. So far, so good. Ricky Gervais. Steve Martin, I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. Zach Galifianakis, I like to read the Bible in public places so people are watching me read it. Ryan Reynolds, People in LA are deathly afraid of gluten. Here are 60 short and funny motivational quotes to help brighten your day: 60 Short & Funny Motivational Quotes. Like “Learn to light a candle in the darkest moments of someone’s life. *, home about contact privacy français newsletter youtube twitter facebook support me search quote of the day. it's funny how ironic life turns out to be, I definitely want to contribute to that. Eddie Murphy, Procrastinate now, don’t put it off. And I guess that’s when I started thinking: I can do without these people. 49 Copy quote. The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider it. What’s the point in having humor? The highs and the lows. 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